Always Page 3

  “Ow! Oh my god! I’m so sorry! Ouch… Sorry!” I slowly righted myself to a seated position and I blushed hotly.

  “Shit! Tati, you ok?” James gave me a sympathetic look as he held my hand to help me up as I rubbed my sore back. Brittany’s eyes shot daggers at me from above.

  “Watch where you’re going, bitch!” Now that I was standing, she leaned down and put her face inches from mine. “What the hell!”

  I pulled back and glanced from her to James. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying atten-, I didn’t mean-”

  With a sharp look at his girlfriend, James interrupted, “Brittany, it was an accident! She apologized. Chill out.”

  Her eyes flashed a fiery warning at both of us. “Are you seriously taking her side right now? No! No way, James! AND GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER!”

  James and I exchanged a quick glance as he let go of my hand that neither of us had realized he was still holding. I apologized again and limped around them into the classroom just as the tardy bell rang. James was quickly seated next to me.

  Our teacher was already taking attendance and going over yesterday’s homework, so James scratched a quick note in the margin of his notebook.

  -you fell hard! you ok?

  I wrote a note back to him in his notebook, and back and forth we wrote for a few minutes.

  -Yes, sorry, Bodyguard.

  -Don’t apologize - accident!! Sorry Brittany

  is such a bitch to you.

  I looked into his apologetic eyes and smiled.

  - Seriously, you ok?

  - back and head hurt

  - from when you fell?

  - the run. I pulled something - fall made worse.

  dehydrated too.

  - Poor Cheetah-girl!

  I grinned as he passed me his phone under the table when our teacher turned to write something on the whiteboard. James leaned over and whispered, “Put your number in.”

  I glanced sideways at him and smiled while I quickly typed in my number. I passed his phone back to him. We refocused on our lab assignment for the remainder of class.

  ✽✽✽

  When the bell rang to signal the end of class, I quickly shoved my laptop and binder into my backpack. I needed to refill my water bottle again before the next class. I said a quick goodbye to James and walked out into the hallway and over to the refill station.

  I put my backpack against the wall and bent down to take out my water bottle. As I stood up, someone grabbed me from behind and strong arms encircled my waist.

  My hands clenched into fists and I glared over my shoulder. “What the f- James! You scared me! What are ...” I smiled and giggled relieved it was him, but also felt really confused. “What are you doing?”

  He leaned down and it took me a second to catch my breath as he moved his mouth near my ear. I focused on the feeling of him standing so close to me, his soft breath on my cheek, his strong arms holding me tightly, and I breathed in his clean coconut scent.

  I leaned back into him, relaxing. He pressed his whole body into me, arms encircling me, his chest against my back, and my heart raced. I felt his breathing become more rapid against my temple. My head was spinning with confusion and desire.

  His hands rested just below my belly button and the two of us breathed in unison for a moment as his cheek touched mine. I turned my face slightly and the corners of our mouths just barely brushed.

  I felt his chest rise to take a ragged breath. He shifted slightly away, cleared his throat, and whispered, “You need to go to the nurse or something. You’re bleeding.” An embarrassed laugh escaped his mouth as he turned me around after knotting the sleeves of his flannel overshirt that he had slipped around my waist. He looked me in the eye, moved his hands to my shoulders, and offered a sympathetic smile. He shrugged. “I have sisters.”

  “Bleeding? You have sis- NO! No, no, no, no, NO! Oh God!”

  The reality of the situation hit me and my whole body lit up in a hot flush as I finally noticed the stickiness between my legs. The backache, the headache, my upset stomach - my period was two and a half weeks early! My head raced as I thought, Are you kidding me? The hottest guy in school, my new friend James, is pressing his body against mine to tell me I am bleeding through my pants because I got my period? Oh, God! This can’t be happening!

  “Tati, I’ve literally got you covered. Don’t stress.” He chuckled and took a slight step back releasing his grip on my shoulders. I couldn’t bring myself to even look at him. He leaned down to try to meet my gaze. “Like I said, I have sisters. Unfortunately, I’ve seen this before. It’s no big deal. I don’t think anyone else saw.” He took another step back to tighten the knot around my waist, and as he did, I saw Brittany standing about four feet away, fists clenched, looking totally pissed. Our eyes met, and I yanked the shirt sleeves away from James’ hands.

  “I gotta go. Thanks.” He smiled sympathetically at me, and as he started to turn to head to class, he saw her, too. His face fell as he met her glare.

  “Shit. Brittany!”

  I grabbed my backpack and dashed down the hall to the nurse’s office before Brittany could say anything to me, but I felt her eyes on me the whole way.

  ✽✽✽

  As I waited in the health office for my mom to bring me a change of clothes and some supplies I relived the embarrassment of the situation. I overheated from head to toe just as the nurse looked over at me. “You doing ok, Tatiana? You’re awfully flushed. Can I get you some water?”

  I looked down at the floor tiles and muttered, “I’m fine. Thanks.”

  My mind raced. I am mortified that James saw that, but he was so sweet about it. It could have been so much worse, but he could’ve just told me. He didn’t have to press his body into mine like that. God! James is so hot and it felt like we were about to kiss. He’s so hot and he saw me bleeding through my pants!

  As I played the loop of thoughts for what seemed like the hundredth time, obsessing, overanalyzing, then getting embarrassed all over again, my mom arrived. She sat down on the bed next to me and leaned her head on my shoulder.

  “Rough day. Sorry. We’ve all been there at least once.” She handed me a tote bag. “I’ve got to rush back to the hospital, someone is covering for me right now. Go get

  cleaned up. I love you. See you at home.” She stood up and kissed the top of my head.

  I looked at her and gave a sheepish smile. “Thanks, mom. I love you.”

  I quickly got cleaned up in the nurse’s bathroom while she wrote me a hall pass. I checked the clock on the wall and realized I only had the last half of gym left and then I could go home to shower and hide for the rest of the day. I ran down to the locker room, stashed my backpack in my gym locker, changed into my PE uniform, and headed out to the field.

  Brittany stood on the sidelines of the soccer field with two of her clones. They saw me, whispered to each other, then smiled and laughed. I found it completely unnerving, but if she wasn’t in my face, I’d take it.

  I joined the soccer drills in progress and Kelsey jogged up to me. “Hey, where were you? Are you ok?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I just went to the nurse for a bit.” I didn’t have the energy to tell the whole truth right now. Kelsey pouted and gave me a hug and we went back to running the easy dribbling drills.

  The bell to end the day rang about twenty minutes later and I gathered my things from my gym locker. Kelsey was ready to go for the day already. “Kels, you don’t have to wait for me. I still have to go to my other locker to drop off some books. I’m sure Samuel is waiting for you already.”

  “Sure?” I nodded. “Yeah, ok. See you Monday!”

  “Bye, Kels. See ya.”

  I quickly walked up the stairs to my locker in the main hall. I looked back and noticed that Brittany and her clones were following not too far behind. I really didn’t want to deal with that energy right now, so I paced up to a jog, quickly unloaded my books, and closed my locker. When I turned around, Brittany was standing acr
oss from me with her eyes turned up to full hatred. Once she made eye contact, she sneered and walked in the other direction. I couldn’t help but wonder what James saw in her.

  ✽✽✽

  When I got home, I was feeling more than overwhelmed. I took a long hot shower, changed into my favorite stretchy yoga shorts and blue cami and laid down on my bed. I grabbed my phone and replied to a new text from James.

  James

  You ok Cheetah-girl?

  Me

  Yeah, thanks for everything.

  Bodyguard, you’re my hero. LOL!

  I clicked the text closed and replayed my whole day all over again confused by what was happening with James and feeling like I needed to figure out what it all meant. I grabbed my phone again, this time clicking on the video chatting app.

  ...(connecting)...

  Janey’s face appeared on the screen smiling her million-watt smile. I already felt better.

  Janey: Hey Tati-bear! I miss you! What’s up?

  Me: Do you have time to talk?

  Janey: For you? Always! Talk to me, princess.

  Me: I’ve had the most mortifying day.

  Janey: Awww what happened? Is it worse than the time my shirt flew open when I walked onstage to give that student council speech last year?

  Me: I got my period and --

  Janey: Oh, you’re a woman now. Do you need “the talk”?

  Me: Ha-ha. I got my period at school and I bled through my light gray pants during class.

  Janey: No! That’s terrible. I hate when that happens!

  Me: That’s not the mortifying part!

  Janey: How can it get worse?

  Me: James, that hot guy I was telling you about? My neighbor? He’s the one who noticed and told me!

  Janey: Noooooo! Oh no.

  Me: Stop laughing! That’s not the worst part.

  Janey: I’m not laughing... anymore. How the hell can it get worse?

  I regaled her with the story of my confusing and embarrassing interaction with James reliving every mortifying moment. Once she stopped laughing long enough to catch her breath, I continued.

  Me: Oh my god! Stop laughing! I totally thought he was going to kiss me! I’m such an idiot!

  Janey: You’re laughing, too! It’s funny in a twisted kind of way.

  Me: I’m only laughing so I don’t cry!

  Janey: Tati-bear. Come on. You have to laugh because it sucks so bad and you made it sound so flippin’ hot and steamy! You made me want to kiss the guy and I’m gay! ... See? You’re laughing! It’s funny! ... OK for real, let me tell you, if you felt a connection, there probably was one. You can’t fake that kind of chemistry. I mean, obviously don’t do anything because, clearly, he has a girlfriend, and you should probably stay clear of them for a week or so, but, I don’t know … it’s ok to be confused ... Hey, bright side, I guess be grateful that he told you. Right?

  Me: Yeah. I am grateful. I’m just confused about how he told me you know? … Arg! He has a hot girlfriend! Clearly, my imagination got away from me because he’s the first guy I’ve been remotely attracted to in a while. It’s fine. I know it meant nothing. He has a super hot girlfriend and he treated me like his little sister.

  Janey: I’m pretty sure he doesn’t treat his sister like that. At least I hope not! Hey, I’ve got to go. Dad’s calling me.

  Me: Thanks for talking. I love you.

  Janey: Always. I love you too. Bye.

  5

  I planned to sleep in on Saturday morning since my mom had to work. My plan was to sleep until at least 8:00, then watch some movies, catch up on reading for English class, and spend time with my mom when she got home. It was a perfect day!

  Instead, I received five text alerts in a row at 6:00 AM waking me. I ignored it as long as I could, but curiosity got the better of me. I rolled over to check my phone.

  James

  Hey Cheetah-girl! Up for a run today?

  James

  Run with me!

  James

  Please?

  James

  Pretty please?

  James

  Running without you, but if I get kidnapped

  it’s your fault

  I couldn’t help laughing at the last message. Sighing, I replied.

  Me

  LOL! sleepy.have a good run!

  Avoiding my embarrassment for the weekend seemed like a good idea. Monday would be a fresh start and, hopefully, by then I’d be over it. I dropped the phone back onto the bed and rolled over to try to go back to sleep. A few minutes went by when my phone alerted again. My eyes popped open and I reached again for the phone.

  James

  Sleeping’s for whimps, not cheetah-girl

  hybrids.

  James

  didn’t go running - too afraid of

  kidnappers.

  Me

  Ha!

  James

  Answer the door.

  A loud knock startled me and I jumped out of bed. He couldn’t be here now, I was in my pajamas and all bedheady.

  “Tati, open up!” I ran to the door and looked out the peephole trying to avoid the narrow window on the side. “I can see your shadow through the window.”

  “No! I just woke up. I’m not even dressed.” My voice sounded low and raspy.

  “That doesn’t matter. I’ll be undressed with you.”

  “WHAT? No!”

  “I’m kidding, Tati. That came out really wrong! I meant … please just let me in.” I opened the door. Shining green eyes looked up and down my body and he smiled when his eyes met mine. I suddenly felt completely exposed even though he’d seen me in these shorts and cami the first time we met. “Hey, Tati.”

  “Hi. Uh, can you give me a minute? I just need to … I literally just got out of bed. One second.” I rushed to the bathroom to freshen up. I looked in the mirror at my wild curls cascading down past my shoulders and scooped them into a sloppy topknot. One the way back to the living room I grabbed a sweatshirt and pulled it on. When I got back to the living room James was looking at the photos on the bookshelf.

  “Hey, hi.”

  “Hi, James. What are you doing here?”

  He pulled a photo from the shelf and brought it over to the couch as he sat down. “This is a cute family picture. Zoya?” He pointed to my mom and I nodded. “Zoya. You look a lot like her. A lot-a lot, same pretty gray eyes and curly hair.” He smiled at me and I melted. “But you also kind of look like the taller one. What’s her name again, Iris?” I nodded. “Your skin tone is a lot darker than Zoya’s. Like you always have a good tan. You’re adopted?”

  “What would make you think I’m adopted? I look just like them.” I dropped onto the other end of the couch crossing my legs to face him.

  “I don’t know. I guess … two moms?”

  I nodded understanding this common assumption. “Some lesbian couples do adopt, but my parents chose to have a sperm donor so that my mom, Zoya, was able to conceive.” James looked the photo again and tilted his head in vague understanding.

  I tried another tack. “So my mamma, Iris, she is Black and Korean. When she and my mom wanted to have a baby they looked for a donor who was also Black and Korean, so in a way there’s a little part of her in me, too. That’s why my skin is tan and I resemble both of them. My mom, Zoya, birthed me.”

  “So like, you have two moms plus a dad? Where does your dad live?”

  I shook my head. “No. I have two parents and a sperm donor. No dad. Just sperm... See, when the sperm meets the egg, game over, man!” I laughed, but James remained serious.

  “But don’t you want a dad? Sorry, is it ok that I’m asking this stuff?”

  I met James’ questioning eyes and smiled. “I don’t mind when people ask. It’s better than assuming. It’s ok.” He looked relieved and I continued, “I don’t need or want a dad because I have two really amazing parents. They love me in the same way any two parents love their kids – dad-mom, mom-mom, dad-dad, you know? T
wo loving parents are two loving parents.”

  Something changed in James’ face that I couldn’t place, a sadness maybe. I realized I’d never seen his dad. “It’s kind of like some families do great with one parent. It doesn’t have to be some ideal traditional mom-dad-two kids-and-a-dog thing, it’s just about love and doing right by each other.” He nodded and we sat in silence for a moment.

  “I have the option of meeting the donor when I turn eighteen on my next birthday, but at this point, I mean ... he’s not part of my life or anything. Get it?”

  James smiled, the darkness leaving his face. “Yeah.”

  He put the photo back on the shelf and returned to the couch. Awkward silence lingered as he studied my face. “So you’re Korean and African American, but what else? Kuzenov, that sounds like Russian or something?”

  “Kuz-net-sov. Kuznetsov.” James quietly corrected his pronunciation. “You got it.” He looked relieved. “Yeah. My mom’s dad is of Russian descent. She’s part French and Spanish, too. I’m basically a mutt. What about you?”

  “Me? English. That’s it.” More silence as he looked around the living room.

  He looked at me. “What do your moms do for a living?”

  “Zoya is a Nurse Practitioner in the ER - I think I told you that already. She’s also a yoga instructor and a Reiki Master.”

  “Reiki Master, what’s that? Like kung fu or something?”

  I giggled. “No, she’s a healer. It’s an intuitive practice of healing using energy not medicine. It helps a lot of her patients. Some people need that extra care when they’re stressed or scared or in a lot of pain, but she practices on healthy people, too, like when you feel like you’re not quite yourself, but you don’t know why, or when you’re going through something tough. Ever feel like that?” James furrowed his brow and nodded.