Always Page 4

  James’ eyes intensely connected with mine for a long moment. “That’s interesting. Huh. Reiki. Cool…and Iris? What’s does she do?”

  “My mamma, Iris, is an orthopedic surgeon for the Air Force.”

  He nodded. “Wow! That’s … you’re moms are really … Wow!” I smiled with pride and James’ eyes searched mine. “So then ... you’re a lesbian like your moms, too?”

  I didn’t mean to laugh. “No. Come on, you know that’s not how it actually works, right?”

  He replied with a glare. “I know!”

  I challenged him. “So then why would you even ask that?”

  “I mean … I don’t know ... I guess because you always dress all sporty like you’re going for a run at any minute and you don’t care about hair or makeup or anything like the other girls and I see you at lunch in the cafeteria sitting with those gay kids every day. I mean, I kind of wanted t---”

  I cut him off shaking my head. “That is so stereotypical! Oh my god! None of that makes you gay! And having lesbians for parents doesn’t make you gay either!” He bristled as I raised my voice. “For your information, I dress sporty because I wore a uniform at my last two schools and I don’t have a lot of other clothes. Most of my cute clothes are for going out, not for sitting in class. I actually do wear makeup, I just don’t make

  myself up to look like some whore every day!

  “My hair - let’s just not go there - but those kids I hang out with at school? Only Finn is gay. Kelsey and Samuel are straight, they just dress androgynously because they don’t want to be constricted by gender norms, which I think is brave in high school. And they are some of the most amazing people I’ve met in my life! Don’t assume so much about people.” He looked hurt and his cheeks flushed. I took a deep calming breath.

  Another awkward silence followed. James leaned in to touch my shoulder and looked me in the face for the first time since I started scolding him

  “Tati, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to piss you off or offend you. Seriously. Sorry.” I raised my eyes to meet his gaze. “What I said came out all wrong. I seriously didn’t mean it like that. For some reason I’m … I’m really nervous around you today and nothing I say is coming out right! You’re not like the other girls and I think you’re cute as hell and I’m just really curious about you. I think you’re probably the most interesting person I’ve ever met, and you were being all open and honest

  about your moms and I … I just needed to know who you dated because I really li- I’m sorry. I was just trying to get to know you. We good?”

  “Yeah. We’re good. I’m sorry I yelled at you, James. I overreacted. I’m really sensitive about my family and friends. They’re my world and I get defensive.” He relaxed and smiled mouthing the word “sorry” again. Our silence resumed.

  “James, may I ask you something?” He nodded. “Why are you really here at six a.m.?” I looked at him directly and he blushed and raked his hand through his thick straight hair. He looked down at his lap and then back at me.

  “Sorry. This is a bad idea. I should go.” He made to stand up, but I grabbed his arm and stopped him.

  “James. Come on. You came over at six a.m. and it wasn’t to learn about sperm donors or Reiki.” He looked down at my hand on his arm and then back to my face. I let go. He took a deep breath, leaned back into the couch, and exhaled slowly.

  “So... Ok, I wanted to apologize about yesterday when I tied my shirt around your waist and to make sure we were cool?” He cleared his throat. “Um, I don’t know that I handled that in the best way and I … I just wanted to help, but I now realize I was on autopilot and, like, fully ON you ... and you’re so...” He gave a vague gesture at me and blushed deeply. “Being like that with you, it …”

  James looked up at the ceiling. He took a breath and let it out slowly. “I’m sorry, Tati, if I embarrassed you or like if I violated your personal space comfort zone or something.” He shook his head and added, “That had to have been the worst, most awkward apology ever.”

  He brought his hands up to rub at his eyes in frustration as he tilted his head onto the back of the couch. “God! Brittany was so fucking pissed! We fought all night and she wouldn’t let up! I realized I may have crossed a line.” He rested his hands back in his lap and looked at me, but I looked away. “Anyway, I just wanted to make sure we’re cool, yeah? I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, sure. We’re cool. I get it.” I questioned whether I did get it, though. It seemed like there was a lot more he wasn’t saying and I was dying to know what it was.

  “Good! … Good. Because I really liked running with you yesterday and I think you’re super smart and fun and interesting … so yeah. Can we do that? Still run and talk? We friends? We good?”

  “Yes. Friends. No need to apologize. I appreciated you looking out for me. You’re a good person.” He smiled and looked intensely into my eyes. I broke the eye contact. “Is that it, James? I have some stuff I wanted to do this morning.”

  “What kind of stuff?”

  “Super important stuff before my mom gets home.” I rolled my eyes. I’ve never been a good liar. “Laundry, crappy TV marathon, lie around all day.” I smiled.

  James grabbed the TV remote from the coffee table and turned on the TV. He looked at me smiling as he leaned back into the couch. “I like to do that stuff.” He turned his attention back to the TV, clicking through the channels. I stared at him.

  He turned back to me. I raised my eyebrows challenging him. “Fine. My mom’s out of town for a couple weeks and I’m all by myself over there. I’m bored and kinda lonely. Is it ok if I hang out with you for a bit? Please?”

  “What about your cross country teammates or friends? Why don’t you hang out with them?”

  He shook his head and wiped his palms on his track pants. “They mostly party on the weekend and, you know, drink way too much and do stupid shit. I don’t really need that in my life right now.” I understood that completely. I actively avoid that type of person. I nodded.

  “What about Brittany?”

  He shrugged. “She’s still not talking to me … plus she and her friends are huge partiers, too.”

  I nodded my head for a moment and pointed at the remote. “Find us a good movie to watch while I make some hot chocolate. Want some?” He nodded.

  He turned his attention back to the TV and called out to me as I was filling the kettle, “By the way, your hair looked really pretty all wild and free like it was when I walked in. You should wear it like that more often.” I was one hundred percent confused by him.

  ✽✽✽

  By the time my mom got home, I washed James’ shirt to give it back to him, we went for an easy mid-morning three-mile jog, ordered Thai food delivery for lunch, and watched a rom-com and an action movie. We had several long conversations throughout the day, too. The more we hung out the more I realized he was getting to be a great friend. It was easy to be with him. I found his intentions confusing at times, but I could get used to this.

  My mom came through the front door and looked surprised to see James lazing on the couch next to me. “Hi, hon! … James?” My mom glanced back and forth between the two of us and then gave me her you-and-I-will-have-an-interesting-talk-later face. I smiled.

  “Mom, there’s leftover Thai food for you. We ordered in for lunch.” She looked at her watch to do the math: if we’d eaten lunch together James had been there at least four hours. She raised an eyebrow.

  “Thanks. I’ll have a few bites for a snack. Did you still want to go for a nice, easy run after I eat something or are you still … watching shark week?” James smirked as we looked at each other.

  “Mom, he knows I have my period. It’s fine. You don’t have to talk in that crappy code. And shark week? Oh my god, that is classic!” I laughed heartily and James snickered.

  My mom’s eyes widened as she looked back and forth between James and me. “He knows?” James sheepishly nodded and reached for his water glass to avoid eye con
tact. “Why?” She amped up her we-have-to-talk face to its highest power. I laughed again which made her look at me with an even funnier, sterner face.

  Looking at James I took a deep breath, blushed, and then explained. “Mom, don’t look at me like that! I swear you’ll give yourself a stroke! It’s not like that! James knows I have

  my period because he’s the one who told me I needed to change my pants yesterday!” I slapped James on the thigh while scrunching up my face and he nearly did a spit take with the water he was drinking. He looked horrified that I blurted that out to my mom. I looked at the face he was making and cracked up. “I mean, it was a whole thing and I can laugh about it now, but there are no secrets in this room! But he has sisters, so it’s ok!” I cracked up again. My mom laughed right along with me and James relaxed. “We can go for a walk, mom.”

  “That is true. No secrets!” She pointed between the three of us, but her eyes and point landed on James as a warning. He looked to me for guidance and I made a gesture behind my mom’s back to indicate that there are maybe a few secrets with my mom and me. “Remember that, James.” My mom smiled and bent down to kiss the top of my head. “Give me fifteen minutes and we can go.”

  James nearly did another spit take when my mom bent down to kiss the top of his head, too, as she added “Thanks for watching out for our girl.” She left the room.

  James flexed his well defined biceps. “I think the Bodyguard’s work is done for today…or am I a lifeguard since it’s shark week?” We held each other’s gaze for a moment before doubling over in hysterics. As I wiped tears from my eyes, he stood up and tapped my nose. “Boop. Watch out for that great white.” He headed to the front door and let himself out. I couldn’t help but smile. I lay back on the couch touching my booped nose thinking, he may be my new favorite person.

  ✽✽✽

  As my mom and I set out for our walk together, she jumped right into the protective mom zone. “Tatiana, what was James doing in our house all afternoon? Is there something going on with you two that I should know?”

  I glanced over at her then back at the sidewalk and decided maybe she didn’t need to know that he had been there almost eleven hours, not the three of four she had assumed. “There’s nothing going on. We’re just friends. He has a girlfriend. She’s really pretty, blonde, big blue eyes, tall

  slim, looks like a Barbie, you know, everything I’m not.” My mom looked at me and rolled her eyes at my last comment. “He came over to apologize about embarrassing me yesterday when he told me about my period accident. Plus, then he told me his mom is out of town. He said he’s lonely and bored in their empty house. We just hung out for a while and talked while we watched a movie.”

  “Friends, ok. I trust you, Tati, but you should be careful, especially if he has a girlfriend. Don’t be that girl.”

  “Mom, I’m not! You know that! I know he has a girlfriend and they’re serious. They make out all the time at school! We’re just friends! He did something really nice for me yesterday even though I was completely mortified by it. You have to give him some credit for being a nice guy who has zero interest in me. We’re just friends.”

  My mom was nodding. I knew she understood. I’m not that girl, and as much as I hate that James has a girlfriend, I value his friendship more and respect the boundaries of their relationship.

  We walked about a half block when my mom piped up again. “We should get you birth control pills.”

  “Mom! We’re just friends!”

  “No, Tati, not for James. Well, maybe for James.” she smirked.

  “MOM!”

  “What? He’s handsome and he might not be with that girl forever. You have good chemistry. I can feel it.”

  “MOM! I am so not talking to you! He has a girlfriend! You just warned me not to be ‘that girl’!”

  She laughed as she put her arm around my waist. “Tati, I’m just teasing and you know it. Honestly, I have been thinking about you going on the pill for a while. It will help regulate your cycle, so no more accidents. You’ll be able to better plan ahead.” She had a point. It had been a problem more than a few times.

  She continued, “And you’re at the age where having a boyfriend means a more physical relationship when you are ready. I just want you to have an extra safety net when it comes to it.”

  I looked at her and she met my eye. She raised both hands in the air, palms facing me. “Your body, your choice. You can make the decision for yourself and I’ll support you.”

  We walked in silence for a bit as I mulled over her idea. My mom was right. “Can we get them next week?

  ✽✽✽

  As our walk ended my mom asked, “James is alone this weekend?”

  We stopped at our mailbox and I turned to face her as I stretched my quads. “Yeah. He said for a couple of weeks. His sisters are both at college until Thanksgiving break and his mom is out of town. I’ve never seen his dad or anyone else there. So, yeah.” My mom nodded her head and walked over to his front door.

  “Mom? What are you doing?” I called as she rang the doorbell.

  “Inviting him for dinner! He shouldn’t be alone for so long.”

  ✽✽✽

  After dinner we three settled back on the couch to watch a movie. About half-way through it, my mom’s eyes started to droop. I nudged her and through a yawn she excused herself to go to bed. “I can’t believe I almost fell asleep. This early shift is getting to me.” She kissed my cheek and gave me a hug. “Good night, baby girl. Don’t stay up too late.”

  “I won’t. I love you mom. Sweet dreams.”

  “I love you, Tati. Good night, James.” She squeezed his shoulder.

  “Night, Zoya. Thanks for inviting me to dinner.” He turned his attention to me when he heard her bedroom door close. “Do you want me to go?”

  “No, you can stay until the end of the movie if you want. I’m good.” He beamed and his emerald eyes lit up.

  “Cool! I have to pee. Will you pause this?” I clicked the pause button on the remote, freezing a superhero in mid explosion. “Be right back!”

  The video chat app chimed on my phone. I looked at the wall clock and knew it could only one person, Janey. With the time difference in D.C. she was probably just getting back from a night out. I connected.

  Me: Janey-bear! You’re up late!

  Janey: Hey! I was at a house party. It was so crowded and insane with a DJ and all these crazy club kids. I loved it, but you’d have hated it!

  Me: No doubt. Glad you had a fun night, though. Did you meet anyone worthy?

  Janey: There was this one really hot girl – total Tomboy vibe like I loooove - but it turns out she has a girlfriend already, or like, she was hooking up with this other girl anyway.

  Me: Bummer. You’re beautiful and funny and so smart. You’ll find someone soon.

  Janey: Mmmhmm. Someday ... Thanks, princess. I know I won’t be desperately single forever. I honestly didn’t call to whine about my lack of love life. I wanted to see how things went with James. Are you over being embarrassed yet? You ok now?

  I lowered my voice as I heard the bathroom door open.

  Me: As a matter of fact, things are great. He’s here now hanging out.

  Janey: James in your house?

  James sat down on the couch looking at me inquisitively. “Who is that?” he mouthed. I turned the phone around so that she could see him and he waved.

  Me: Janey, meet James. James, meet Janey. Janey’s my best friend in D.C.

  James: Hi. Nice to meet you, Janey.

  Janey: Heyyyy James! Princess Tatiana, you were right, he is seriously hot! He’s so your type! No wonder.

  James: Wh -what? You told her I’m hot?

  James met my gaze, his eyes widened in surprise, and we both blushed deeply. I turned the phone back toward me as Janey continued to embarrass me. Classic Janey.

  Janey: NOOO! Don’t turn it around yet. I want to talk to him more!

  Me: Stop it. I am hanging up on
you now.

  Janey: No you’re not. You love me. God, you’re so effing cute when you blush, I love it! I miss your face!

  I caught James grinning at me. I didn’t think it was possible, but I blushed even hotter.

  Tati: Janey, I’m hanging up. I’ll call tomorrow.

  Janey: Fine. You answered my question anyway. Glad you’re doing okay. I love you, princess.

  Me: I love you, too, Janey-bear. Sweet dreams!

  Janey: I’ll have sweet dreams of you slowly soaping up your nakedness in a hot steamy shower...

  Me: James is sitting right here.

  Janey: and you’re so so wet and caressing your -

  Me: OH MY GOD, JANEY! STOP!

  Janey: Just trying to help. I turned myself on a bit! Gawd, I need a girlfriend so bad! Bye princess. I love you!

  She disconnected the call to the sound of her giggling. I closed the app and buried my face in my hands. “So that was Janey. My ex-best friend as of thirty seconds ago.” I was mortified that James heard that call.

  I heard James shift on the couch and he cleared his throat. He half laughed, half spoke, “She seems nice.”

  I removed my hands from my face, still deeply blushing, and looked up to see James staring at me with a wicked grin on his face, his eyes flicking down my body. “Oh my god, James! You’re picturing what she said, aren’t you!” I threw a throw pillow at him and he caught it.

  His grin grew into a full smile and his eyes twinkled. “I mean … she painted quite a picture.” He turned his smirking face back to the TV and resumed the movie. “You think I’m hot.” He chuckled with pride. He threw the pillow back and I buried my face in it.

  Effing Janey!

  6

  Monday morning dawned, and as I dressed in track pants and a light hoodie, my phone alerted a text. 5:55. It could only be James.